i know la.
you guys would expect yet another sad/dumb post.
& yes.
last week was bad.
this week is just equally bad too.

i keep getting hurt from people i love, treasure, cherish.
dont ask me why.
i wish i had the answer to it though.

i wouldnt take it to heart.
but it would still feel painful & hurtful at times.
really painful & hurtful.

though i like knowing truths but yet lie to myself just to make me a lil happier.
but i know.
i still have to face it somehow.
& i know it will go nowhere if i continue to hide myself from the truth.

but what do you expect me to do?
you cant expect me to be happy after knowing so many things right?
RIGHT?

i said i will let it go & pretend nothing happened.
but it's still aching somewhere inside.
:'( :'(
i need people to cheer me up badly.
badly.
i dont know how.
but do try.

sigh.
fate.

. Do you have secrets ?
;- who doesnt have secrets? (:

2. Would you fall in love with a girl/guy younger than you ?
;- depends bah?

3. Do you enjoy going to school ?
;- alot. but recently, i dread going to school.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars ?
;- buy lots & lots of stuffs for me loved ones. :D & do smth to the stupid hair im having. :x

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend ?
;- used to. but learnt my lesson. so i doubt i will.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone ?
;- loving someone & being loved by someone.

7. List out your 15 favourite songs:
;- ♫ 说好的幸福呢, 终于说出口, 安静了, 半情歌, 那年夏天宁静的海, 愛的主旋律, 男人女人, I gotta find you, Tears, I wanted you, Knocking on heaven's door, Ben, Love story, That's not my name, 7 Things.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do ?
;- hope that his happy & will always be? (:

9. Is there anything that has made you extremely happy ?
;- yea, there is one.

10. What makes you angry ?
;- ask my friends. they know.

11. How would you see yourself in 10 years time ?
;- someone still having the same old temper & attitude. hahahahaha! :x

12. Who is currently the most important people to you ?
;- family+dog, steffi, xiaodi, regina, girlfs, zhijun & sweet.

13. What is the most important thing in life ?
;- people i love to be happy always?

14. Single or attached ?
;- single. :D

15. What is your favourite colour ?
;- green.

16. Would you give all in a relationship ?
;- i would.

17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick ?
;- i wouldnt pick any of them. why would i want to hurt the other one i love?

18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done ?
;- i will. but it takes time.

19. What do you want to tell the person you like ?
;- i`ll always be there lending a shoulder/listening ear. :D :D :D

20. 5 people I have tagged:
;- anyone who wants to do it, just do it. :D

idontknowwhybutimbeginningtogetallkindsoffalvourwhenimwithyou.
sometimesifeelsourishyetsweetattimesthanbitter&hotagain.
ireallydontknowwhatitmeanscananyonetellmewhyamifeelingthisway?

xiaodi just send me pictures of today.
no, i mean yesterday!
hahahaha.
it's all taken by him i think.
okay, it is.
hahahaha.

HE didnt like the idea of me being nice & writing stuffs to cheer him up.
:(
okaysnorrr.
like that lorrrrrr.

ohwell.
anyway!

PICTURE OF THE DAY IS THIS!
HAHAHAHAHA. :x
(kai, you look so . . . . :x)

no privacy.
-.-

lovingyoufromthestartwasawrongifonlyyoudidnthavetobesonicetome
ifonlyyouknewthereasonwhyifellforyouifonlyyoureallyknewwhy

it has been 1year + ever since we really talked.
though it seems short.
but it seems like it has been 43724732473042 years already.
you know i always find you when i need someone to talk to.
you know i always find you when i need to vent my anger on someone.
& you wouldn't complain at all.
thank you.

ever since our first & last quarrel,
we hardly had any long conversations.
i really miss those times.
the msg you sent just now,
reassured me that our friendship will still go on no matter what.
thank you.

please do well for your history paper later.
& i seriously hope you`ll have an enjoyable birthday despite your O level.
add oil yo!
haha.

we must talk things out after our exams & everything alright.
take care for now.
:D

today is yet another bad day.
no, to be exact.
it's a bad week yet again.

i vent my anger on the video group & my mum.
i gave attitude to my whole video group & my mum.
it wasnt nice.
totally not.

just bcos of a small tiny problem.
i pull a long face the whole freaking day.

im sorry.
sorry to my 9years friend.
sorry to xiaodi.
sorry to steffi.
sorry to kai&xuan.
sorry to aaronlim.

i cried.
i feel so guilty.

on my way back after steffi alighted.
i cried like a fking idiot who just got dumped.

friends leave bcos of this freaking temper & attitude.
i promised to change,
but i didnt.

Regina told me friends should accept me for who i am.
she's somehow right & somehow wrong.
wrong becos it's my own fault for not changing.
it's not their fault they hate me.
it's mine.
so why should i blame others when i know i should jolly well blame my freaking self.

im sorry.
sorry for all the attitude.

& you know what?
if you hate me.
just tell me straight to the face.
i prefer knowing the truth if you guys know me well enough.
i dont like beating around the bush.
i know i`ll get hurt to know the truth.
but it's just a matter of time.
i`ll still know it sooner or later.

while typing this,
tears kept rolling down.
losing friends has been a part & parcel of my life ever since secondary school.
but somehow.
just somehow,
i still cannot overcome the sadness.

i lost penghui.
i lost sarah somehow.
i lost greeny.
i lost jiekie.

soon,
i`ll lose girlfs.
or regina & zhijun.
or steffi.
or my video group friends.
or even all of them.

i feel like, im a burden to them.
i feel like, im always giving them trouble & extra problems.

they always have to find time to comfort me & cheer me up.
im sorry to trouble all of you today.
especially karylan.
sorry.

im sorry.
really sorry.
for those who hate me,
im truly sorry.
i didnt want stuffs to become like this.
i want them to become better.

sorry.
really sorry.

the past few days has been the worst day of my ITE life.
seriously serious.

thank God for people like steffi & aaronteo who stood by me throughout.
& not forgetting xuan&kai for making me laugh always.
& my baobeis! regina & zhijun.
though it's just a msg.
but it warms my heart.
though it's just a hug.
but it warms my heart too.
of cos, jesmond & aaronlim too.

not forgetting girlfs.
if not for them,
i wouldnt have known what i`ll be like.

even if one day they turn their back on me.
i`ll still not leave them.
even if they need me in the middle of the night,
i`ll still stay awake just to listen.

not doing this for the sake of it.
doing this for the sake of friends.

friends.
goodfriends.
bestfriends.
closefriends.

xiaodi asked me to post these pictures.
cos he took all of it.
hahaha.
he even took my favourite.
thank you xiaodi.
:)

you have been the best.
same goes to steffi & regina.
you girls rock my socks!
hahahahahaha.

&&& of cos jesmond, xuan & kai!
xiexieni yo!

me love you guys. (:

HEYHOOO!
:D

today is sucha tiring day.
no, maybe cos i havent eaten for 2 days.
yes!
2 freaking days.

im saving money & my gum & throat still hurts.
:(
i have a hard time swallowing stuffs like water okay!
so how do you expect me to eat?
hahaha.

i went fort canning with steffi, aaronlim, jes & aaronteo just now.
super tiring & scary!
hahaha.
at one point,
steffi wanted to throw away her tissue paper.
so jesmond pointed to a dustbin to her.
she walked towards it & throw it in.
suddenly she heard banging sound & she screamed!
jesmond, me & some other people got frighten!
not because of the banging sound.
but because of her SCREAMINGGGGG!
lol.

in the end,
it was a cat who was happy sleeping/finding food inside.
HAHAHAHA.
poor CAT.
:x

anyway,
steffi is very nice today!
she lend me her psp okay!
omgggg.
im so so so so happy!
i can play mahjong till wee hours now.
HOHOHO.

butbut, i still need to wake up early tmrw for pe test.
:(

me can do it.
hahahahaha.

stomach is growling.
:(
im super damm effing hungry.
but no.
i rather starve than have pain in my throat.
yes, im THAT stubborn if you havent really realise it yet.
haha.
TOODLES! :D

i miss ahkorrrrrr!
:(
meet up soon!

it doesnt matter that much alrdy i guess?
it's your own decision what.
i was wrong to care too much for a friend.
my bad, sorry.

i wouldnt control you anymore.
dont worry.
they are good influence.
go learn from them.
[:
i have better things to do.

oh!
one more thing.
i will still lend you a listening ear.
so no worries on that.
:)

dont feel sad.
you should be happy no one is controlling you or what mah.
rigggggggght?
hahahaha.
you're not an ass.
we are.
:D

im feeling so fucked up now.

if blog can lock post too.
how great would it be.
right?

it's too much of a hassle to lock my blog & than add people in cos they wanna see what i blogged.

fucked up world.

Pick your birth month.
→ Change the font to red for anything that doesn’t apply to you.
→ Bold the five that best apply to you.
→ Copy to your blog, livejournal, xanga, wordpress.
→ Tag 5 people from your friends list.

JANUARY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people’s flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY:
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, Shy(i insist i am SHY) and Humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH:
Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL:
Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE:
Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY:
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt and takes long to recover.

AUGUST:
Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive ( unless you are refering to my nose haha ) but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

SEPTEMBER:
Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people’s mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER:
Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn’t pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

DECEMBER:
Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

people tagged: regina, peiting, zarifah, janice, thomas

okay.
my friend say no one is going to his blog.
so people,
please visit this blog.
& tag.

so that it will at least make him A LITTLE happy.
LOL.

Click Here, :D

my right cheek hurts.
or is it my right gum?
it's like as though,
if i do something to my gum.
blood will keep flowing out.

but than again,
my gum doesnt hurt leh.
it just seems swollen.
me dont know.
:(

i cant swallow saliva.
i cant eat solid food.
i cant yawn.
i cant talk too fast.

i feel so sad.
cos it hurts so much that i have to keep taking painkillers.
:( boohuhu.

*added pictures. :D

heyho!
firstly,
im loving you more each day.

secondly,
happy dearie day to reg, srah & vien.
haha.
i only sent a msg to reg.
cos im afraid srah & vien would find me a nuisance to rmb such stuffs.
hahahaha.

well.
i didnt go to school.
i was too effing tired to get my ass off my bed.
hahaha.
aaronlim didnt go too!
he was still sleeping when i called him @ 8am okay!
steffi had to work.
so i thought aaronteo wouldnt go too.
& i went back to lala land.
9+am,
aaronteo msged me.
that was when i know he was on the way to school alrdy.
hahahaha.
sorry yea xiaodi.

i slept till around 1+?
steffi came over to my house after her work.
i was still feeling very sleepy.
so i stayed in bed till 2.30?
i went to bathe.
headed to her house.
she changed & stuffs.
& we went to causeway point to meet aaronlim.

i had my breakfast+lunch at mosburger.


so poor thing hor? :(

than walked around.
bought cake.
& headed to novena.
met aaronteo there.
& we walked to hotel royal's pub.
gave the cake to aaronlim's mother.
& we sat down at a corner with aaronlim's sister & brother.
lol.
we ate, talked, played cards, laughed.
went off at 11pm.
took mrt & reach home at 12.30am.

hoho.
i think that's all?
hahhhh.

i still have a few more pictures, but it's with steffi.
so i`ll post the rest tomorrow.
:D