today supposedly marks the last day of everything.
from filming to test to staying up late.
BUT.
nope.
we're wrong.
today is not the last day of everything.
we still have to edit our video, dvd cover, cd sticker & stuffs.
:'(!
i feel like crying sia.
after so many days of not sleeping well.
i still have to stay up fora few more days.
:(

damn sad la.
butbutbut,
we`re suppose to go home & rest well today.
tomorrow than the toughness will start AGAIN.
-.-
but i wouldnt be that stressed out la.
the guys will.
cos they're the one editing the video.
hoho.

well,
it's been a long journey.
lets count.
should be all the way back to june?
which is almost 5 months?
whole video team has been together for almost 5 months.
oh God.
time passes by so quickly.
in a blink of an eye, everything is over alrdy.

Regina joined us 1month later.
all of our lives are like a roller coaster ride.
we've been unhappy at each other before.
we've been left out somehow sometimes.
but despite all that, we're still one big family & i love you guys for this!
we went through ups & downs together.
we went through thick & thin together.
we've been there for each other at our lowest point in life.
you guys really rocks my socks.
you guys have been the best of the best.

though we had little quarrels before.
but, it somehow brought us all a little closer.
our bond became better.
we get along with each other well now.
when i needed ears & shoulders.
everyone of you were there.
regina, steffi, aaronteo, aaronlim, jesmond, zhaokai & zhaoxuan.
thank you all.

in future, no matter what happens to us.
im sure we`ll still be in contact with each other.
our friendship has come this far & it will definitely go further.
we cried, laughed, bitched, screamed.
these are the moments to remember.
we must bookmark this chapter in our life & never forget how we became close.
if not for you guys, i wouldve lost almost everything.

to think of it, i once said i regretted choosing video.
but now, nah.
i dont regret.
& will never ever regret making this decision.

the ones going army soon, please take good care of yourself.
we must & will meet up once in a while.
the ones going to different school.
please keep in contact even if we were to have new friends.
cause, you guys are a part of my life now & i never ever wanna lose any of you guys.
all of you are precious to me.
like jewels, pearls, gold, silver, diamonds & crystals.
im serious.

once again, thank you for the wonderful memories.
:D

Regina,
thank you for helping us even though you have your own stuffs to do.
thank you for being sucha darling always.
thank you for still being here like always.
thank you for not abandoning us even though you`re busy at times.
thank you for everything baybeh.
i love you tons.
:D :D

steffi,
you;re sucha a pig.
im not gonna write nice things to you.
you're too loud.
you're too rough.
you dont act like a girl.
you dont sit properly always.
you're forever so stubborn.
you never wanna listen to people.
you're abit slow sometimes.
but for all this,
i love you the way you are. :

aaronteo,
thank you for everything.
thank you for being there despite you being busy with stuffs.
thank you for rushing down to sgh the other time.
thank you for not leaving me out always.
thank you for every freaking thing you've done.
im deeply touched & grateful to you.
:D

aaronlim,
though at times the words you say are hateful & i hate it alot.
but you've been anice guy all this while.
from TRYING to talk sense into me.
to visiting me at sgh too.
thank you for being sucha nice friend.
thank you yea.
but stop being so sarcastic HOR!
:D

jesmond,
director!
please dont be so stress again.
you nearly cried LOR!
please cheer up.
when there's a will, there's a way.
:D cheer up.
9 years friend is always here.
:D

zhaokai & zhaoxuan,
thank you for lending me your shoulders always.
it has been the best.
thank you for always helping me with stuffs.
thank you so so much.
:D

for now, im really deprived of sleep.
so im going to bed NOW.
goodnight yaw!
LOVES TO ALL.
esp: HUHU. :D

hello!
have been busy these few days.
so sorry for the lack of updates.
will be updating often once everything is over.
which is after THURSDAY A.K.A HAPPY DOOMS DAY.
haha.
my group mates named it like that.
just finish translating the script to chinese.
gosh.

if you guys know me well enough.
MY CHINESE SUCKS TO THE CORE.
but i had to help.
if not who can do it.
rightttt?
butbut, thanks to steffi for helping me for a few scenes.
& zhaokai for helping me with 2 scenes.

the rest went to sleep alrdy bah?
i havent had proper sleep for 2 freaking days.
well, today is the third day.
hah hah.

i ate two freaking sleeping pills.
& i nearly knock out just now.
cos zhaokai had a headache.
so i had to continue with the script.
despite being so so so fucking sleepy.
lol.

now, i can finally go to bed.
but i have to wake up at freaking 7.30AM IN THE MORNING.
which is 3 HOURS LATER.
-.-
super sianxz.
hopefully, i`ll be able to wake up.
hah.

btw,
i handed in my flash alrdy.
my hard work.
though it isnt as nice as the girlfs.
but, my hardwork.
&&& im proud of it.
hoho.

there's phase test & final year presentation on thursday.
& my stomach is full of butterflies now even though it's still one day away.
LOL.
hopefully everything goes well.
haha.

REGINA,
DONT FORGET MY CHICKEN ESSENCE.
LOL.

im really gonna knock out soon.
NEED MY BEEEEED.
LOL.

ohya,
i saw krystal nearly breaking down in class just now.
like, there's flash & plushie going on in her mind.
than there's her plushie blog too.
gosh.
first time i see her so freaking stress.
CHILL FATTY!
you can do it yea.
i know you havent slept for 2days already.
all this will be over asap.
by than, you wanna sleep how long also not a problem alrdy.
HUHU.
add oil my dear.
add oil kamy & meiting too!
add oil my groupmates!
add oil STEFFI LIN!
add oil xinyi-sweet!

we all can do it yea.
:D :D :D



my group's dvd cover.
done by zhaokai.

dear huhu,
ive not been talking to you since a few days ago.
i miss you dearly huhu.
please take good care of yourself.
ily yea!
:D
thank you for standing by me always.
me me me, me love you.
xoxo.

dear huhu,

i feel so down.
i wanna give up on flash.
i dont wanna hand it in on monday liao.
since i already missed my flash phase test which is 20 freaking % for final year.
than, might as well retain cos i can no longer get into a poly.
might as well try all over again?
& this time,
i wont take video.
huhu, how?
huhu, if only you can talk.
huhu, tell me something logical leh.
huhu, give me courage & motivation leh?
:(

huhu ah huhu.

HELLO!
aaronlim & steffi is @ my house now.
OMG.
stupid aaronlim is so FAN & NOISY!
OMGGGGGG.
can die sia.

he keep asking me to blog.
SO FANNNNNN!
OMGGGG.
he keep talking & talking & talking.
i hope he will fall asleep NOW.
:x
HAHAHAHAH.

im going to do my flashie portfolio NOW.
huhu.
i miss HUHU.
definition of huhu: an object that will listen to you talk freely.
HAHA.
aaronteo ask me put it in the dictionary.
lol.
funny sia.

MY 3 DEAREST FRIENDS,
MAINLY AARONLIM, AARONTEO & STEFFILIN.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
thank you for cabbing down to SGH just to make sure im fine.
thank you.
the cab fare was so freaking expensive.
sorry & thank you.
i have no idea what to say.
but just thank you so so much.
im deeply touched & appreciates it alot.
a whole lot.
thank you.
:D

overnight,
everything changed drastically.

overnight,
quarrels became huge.

overnight,
things went haywire.

cut it short,
everything is not gonna be the same anymore.

Oh God,
please make this a dream & not a nightmare.
let tomorrow be a better day for everyone of us.
dont let our friendships fail.
dont let us fall.
let us be happy people.
LET US BE LIKE BEFORE.
i really hope everything will be alright when i wake up tmrw.

ZHIJUN SAYS I SHOULD BE HAPPY.
I SHOULDN'T POST SAD STUFFS IN MY BLOG.
EVERYDAY SHOULD BE HAPPY DAY & NOT SAD DAY.
true.
yea.
im a happy girl from tomorrow onwards.
nothing will bring me down i hope.
HAPPY DAY, HAPPY GIRL, HOPEFULLY HAPPY FRIENDS.

i know you wanna show me your happiness at times.
but please refrain yourself sometimes.
you never know how much hurt ive gotten from you guys.
serious.

badly wounded now.
in need of comfort.
:'(

i have been happy these few days.
well, you may be asking is it fake?
are you really happy?

well,
honestly.
when i was at botanic gardens with the video mates today.
i was abit pissed off @ a group of minahs.
& i was upset about some stuffs.

BUT!

when we went for dinner tgt.
i felt alot better.
which i dont know why either.

maybe bcos xiaodi bought for me my favourtie cookie from subway! (double choc!)
cos he know i didnt eat much.
& maybe bcos steffi lend me her psp to play.
cos she know i`ll be bored to death at home sometimes.
hahaha.

i felt treasured by them alot.
a whole lot.
im not saying girlfs are not.
that wasnt what i meant.
cos you & i both know that girlfs are busy with their stuffs.
so we somehow have lesser talks now.
lesser bondings.
lesser laughters.

so im closer to steffi & xiaodi now.
im also glad cos when im not with girlfs,
at least i feel some love from them too.
yes yes.
not forgetting my director!
my part-time boyf!
my ass!
my soon-to-be 6years friend too!

& of cos, dearest Reg & Zhijun who never fail to be there for me from time-to-time.
thank you.

today after we went seperate ways home.
xiaodi accompanied steffi & i to whitesands mac.
like, the talks we had.
the jokes we had.
the bullying here & there.
suan-ing each other.
it was really fun & something to mark down in my life.
it's like another new chapter in my life.
& i feel really happy about it.

maybe, just maybe.
im ready to put down that heavy rock in my heart.
to leave it on the floor & walk away from it.
never looking back at it to remind me of something so painful, so hurtful.
something i should let go of.
something steffi, reg, meiting & xiaodi would feel happy if they know im letting it go.
yes, i`ll try.
& im trying.
i just need encouragement & moral support.
:)

simple msges can make me feel abit motivated too.
hee.

yes
this is not a sad or unhappy post.
this is by far the happiest post this week.
yea.
HEE!

i love me friends alot.

& xiaodi,
im sure by next year or even 10years down the road.
me, you, steffi & meiting will definitely still be in contact.
even if we were about to drift away.
i will pull us back tgt.

i think it's time to go back to church.
i dont wanna be faraway from God.
i feel so bad about it.
i feel ive not been a good child.
SO.
i shall consider.

hahaha.
alright.
end of happy post.

ohoh!
before i end.
my dearest part-time boyf & ass,
mainly zhaokai & zhaoxuan.
be strong & add oil okay!
look on the brighter side.
though she's no longer here.
but she have gone to somewhere better, nicer & definitely happier.
be happy for her yea!
we will always be there for you guys!
cheer up!
me love y'all!
:D

IM GLAD YOU ENJOYED YOUR BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION TODAY!
BE HAPPY EVERY SINGLE DAY!
ME ME ME LOVE YOU YEA!
:D :D :D

*HUGS&KISSES*

(:

still thinking of locking my blog once again.
i need some privacy too.
i hate writing diaries.
so i prefer typing.
& obviously i would type in my own blog right?
sigh.

yesterday was kinda like a boohoo day.
someone made me so dam pissed at him.
made me & meiting traveled all the way down to cck.
can you believe it?
like hello!? we're staying at the east side mind you!
he made me calm down & obviously made me cry.
oh well.
gotta forgive him what.
for the sake of steffi, meiting & those naggings.
i had to.

before that.
i had my heart broken again.
it broke a few months ago.
it broke a few weeks ago.
it broke one week ago.
it broke 3 days ago.
it broke 2 days ago.
it broke yesterday.
& it's broken today yet again.

dont say you care.
cos it seems like you`re pitying me.
& that is something i hate alot.

no one knows.
i just had to keep quiet about it.
who could i tell?
everyone was way too busy with their own stuffs.
too busy.
i hate being judged.
they always make it a point to make it clear & say they wouldnt.
but in the end?
the same fking shit happened.
they freaking judged me.

i wanna avoid some people.
sigh.

& heal my own wound myself.
heal my own heart myself.
heal my own pain myself.

a few days of starving.
a few days of popping down pills.
a few scars.
a few drips of blood.
& everything will be fine.
hopefully everything.

i feel im beginning to be like my mum.

aaron teo,
please take care of yourself!
drink warm water.
it helps to ease the pain.
take painkillers if possible.
i really hope you wont work later.
but i know you`re stubborn.
do take care.

meiting,
im on the phone with you now!
you're very noisy sia!
butbut, me love you yea!
:D :D :D!
thank you for talking to me on the phone last night.
thank you for being so understanding always.
thank you for listening to me.
thank you meiting. :D

im missing steffi alot still.
come home soon okay!
i miss you alot! :D

loves.

it's hurting damn much.

fucking hurtful.
fucking painful.
dont ever do this to me please.
im really not effing ready for it.
really not.
please.

you wouldnt understand.
& you will never will.

i dont wanna cut & bleed.

:''''(

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i know this isnt happiness.
i know.
but what can i do?
i really wanna tell you badly.
but no, i cant.
i dont want to end up like how me & kingsley was in the past.
cos of this friendship,
the pain & hurt im going through has to be endured till the end.

faking a smile or a laugh infront of my friends can be somewhat tiring you know?
if i was born prettier & slimmer,
i wouldnt be judged by people alrdy.
my love life would be oh-so-perfect alrdy.
my friendship life would be oh-so-perfect too!

i wouldnt even have sad posts AT ALL OKAY!

im tired.
im worn out.
what should i do next?
what is my next step gonna be?

i know.
i wished you through sms, phone call, blog, post & friendster.
i know im very fan!
hahaha.
but hey!
it's your birthday yo!
whatever i wanna say is already in that msg!
be happy always okay!
being sad is so-not a positive thing.
it will affect the mood who is like beside you or smth.
haha.
& thank you for sending me home despite your birthday which is like the next day?
yea.

anyway!
happy birthday once again.
& yes, go home early!
:D :D

many more monthsary to come!
i love you girls.
:D :D :D



i just got hold of karylan's birthday pictures.
i`ll post it tomorrow.

im crying like fuck now.
i hate my family.
i hate them.
i really dont like them.

:'(

yes, i am.
but what can i do sia?
i dont want to be unhappy until the people around me is unhappy.
i dont even know what to say at times.
i really hope i`ll be a mute sometimes.
sometimes only la.
haha.

okay.
i dont wanna blog alrdy.
cos i know my xiaodi will come & see my blog.
& thinks im angry with him.
sigh.

-- sometimes i wish i could change the world.
sometimes.

HEHE
HAHA
HOHO
HUHU.

today is sucha happy day!
dont ask why.
cos it's just a happy day!
for the first time,
im not sad!
not at all!
hahahaha.
we should go celebrate though.
nahhh, just kidding about the celebrating part.
hahahahaahahha!

i found two pictures from one of my church friend's friendster.
i look so slimmmmm.
:(
HAHA.
OKAYOKAY. no sad faces in this post today!





SEE SEE!
omggg.
i can go crazy just looking at these two pictures sia.
LOL.

kamy havent send me pictures yet.
so i`ll post pictures some other day.
TOODLES LOVELY WORLD! :D

为何我有种靠不近你的心情
越来越不能够相信
生命之中没有你
就算走在人群里也觉得好孤寂
为什么在你的眼睛
我看不到你的疼惜.

nice lyrics!
me LIKE!
:D

tell me where it hurts.

hah.
no wonder my instinct told me greeny is still the best.

may you stay this way all the time & never change.
cos we love you being like this.
plushie has made you stressed out lately.
please have more sleep & dont get too stressed up.
give yourself 1/2 an hour break to watch tv or smth.
me love you & will always do!
we used to have quarrels which are created by me cos of my temper, attitude & childishness.
for that, im very very very sorry.
do forgive me.

whatever happens,
someone in pasir ris will always be there.
will always be a phone call away.
will always be willing to walk home with you when you`re down or sad.
will always lend you a pair of listening ear to complain.
will always lend you a shoulder to cry on no matter what.

me love you many many.

:D!

sometimes things is beyond my control.
it's so hard to hold back my feelings towards you.
so very hard.
i cant tell you anything.
it's so painful to watch you like someone else sometimes.
it's so painful to see that you care for others so much.
it's so painful to hear you praise other girls.
seriously very painful.

sometimes i really wish i didnt liked you.
liking you has caused me so many sadness.
so many that you dont even know.
i dont wanna spoil our friendship.
it's like as though it's my own fault for liking you.
just bcos i wanna save our friendship,
i have to keep it to myself & feel all the hurt myself.

how pathetic that is hur.

oh God,
please let this pain go away soon.
please let this feeling fade away asap.
stop this heart from aching time after time please.
let tomorrow be a happier day for my friends please.
it's too much for them to handle with the stress & stuffs.
thank you.